The Kurgan:Concerned Motorist

As many of you are doubtlessly aware, When I’m not wiping my monocle and waxing about the waning influence of the petite bourgeoisie I champion on behalf of Lo Pan!
Lo Pan likes the Green eyed girls

You notice the totally wicked nail protruding from the side of his head? Cause Lo Pan can take a joke. You just know that one day some of the minions decided it would be cool to sneak up on the boss and pull the goofy arrow through the head prank. And he kept it on, made it a part of his totally wicked look. Can you image Cobra Commander or Destro going along with this?
No!
Exactly!!
Lo Pan knows how to get down, chillax and have a totally awesome time while hunting down green eyed women in Chinatown.
Check out his sweet entrance - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97W2wlR8QG0

I love Lo Pan.
But I'm here to talk about Lo Pan, no that's a post left for another glorious day. Today I want to draw your attention to
The Kurgan












Aww look at that baby face!!*

For those unfamiliar with the Kurgan, I recommend a quick trip to the video store for Highlander – an epic documentary about the life and times of immortals living among us. The Kurgan is the sworn enemy of Connor Macleod of clan Macleod.
For many years I’ve scoffed at the Kurgan. But I see that I was wrong. The Kurgan (played by Lex Luthor) is GLORIOUS!!
The Kurgan like Connor Macleod is also an immortal and his mission is to bring about…The Quickening!!
From Wikipedia:

The Quickening refers to a phenomenon in the Highlander films and television series. In the Highlander universe when one Immortal beheads another, the life force is released into the victor or to the closest Immortal nearby. This transfer of energy is known as the Quickening. If the immortal is beheaded and there's no other Immortal around, then the energy disperses and is lost.

The Quickening is best undertaken outdoors on a cloudless day to insure maximum coolness. Also make sure you've gotten your Armani best on, it wouldn't do to be caught in the tumultuous hail of 80s special effects in a weathered wife-beater now would it?




















I know what you're all wondering, what is it that makes The Kurgan so damn cool?
Could it be the dapper Emerald Green armor? The ostrich plume that aesthetically decorates his helmet? The fisher-price, some assembly required longblade? Could it his molestation of a priest while quoting Neil Diamond? Could it be the obvious pleasure he takes in work? The same 'whistle-while-you-work' attitude he displays while hacking and dismembering the competition as well as the subtle wordplay in regards to 80s gum chewing glam-prostitutes?

80s gum chewing glam-prostitute: I'm Candy *smack*
The lovable Kurgan: Course you are *assembling sword parts**

Nay, my love for The Kurgan stems from the simple fact that the man is not an asshole!
I hear you cry out disbelief" Batmite! Not an asshole you say? But I say old chap, he did murder a whole host of people, and don't forget that whole raping and pillaging thing he was doing while lip syncing to Queen's "Princes of the Universe".

Well, yes, you are correct, but in his defense, that all par for course for a 80s immortal Sean Connery-vanquishing-villain-dude. But what truly makes The Kurgan a splendid, meet my parents kind of guy (apart from his infectious enthusiasm for mischief), The Kurgan is a safe driver!
There's a scene where The Kurgan is driving on the sidewalk running over pedestrians and he wants to move towards oncoming traffic on the main road, he puts his signal on, and neatly shifts 'lanes'. What a great guy! He didn't want to cause an accident by not adhering to the rules of the road. The observant viewer might also note that The Kurgan also follows the seat belts laws, when was the last time anyone saw The Green Goblin strapping on his seat belt before hurtling pumpkin bombs at a crowd.


NEVER!


That said allow me to leave with a small video showing how truly awesome The Kurgan is and the pride he takes in his work.

*The fact that this image comes from the official website of Clancy Brown makes him the fucking man!!!
**No, really, he was assembling a massive broad sword. No witty wordplay here folks.